Why is it so hard for women to talk about money? 

It's a struggle that I've felt personally and am trying to think of ways to NOT pass that on to my daughters (I'm attempting now to talk to my 5 year old about money, so we'll see how that goes!) But I wanted to bring some attention to the topic in an attempt to dive deeper into the mindset struggles I notice women around me deal with when it comes to money and asking what they deserve. 

The Financial Mindset Struggles we Need to Change

• Equating it to your value, which it should. Let's step back and talk about your value. This is where imposter syndrome can come in, and the doubts of who you are and what you are capable of start to creep in. So let me tell you right now that you are valuable and should take up space and should earn what you are worth. 

 

• The "selfish" stigma. We have to get off of this negative mindset of talking about money, or asking for more money. The one in particular that grinds my gears is the  stigma, which I believe is somehow connected to mom guilt, that makes you selfish. Well, I think about money as a means by which that I provide for my family: I buy food for them to eat, pay our mortgage and clothes for my kids. If I make more money, it inevitably goes to them. Aside from the occasional (and arguably well-deserved pampering or purse purchase) what is selfish about that?

3 Tips on Asking for What You Deserve
So you recognize this discomfort that you have: great, now let's do something to change it. Here are three things you can do right now to make improvements in your money mindset. 

1. Back it up with data. Look up your job title, location on salary.com and make sure you are being paid what you should be. Also look up the next level up, you may be surprised to see that you are doing most of that work already, and have that in your pocket when you ask for a raise or make the case for a promotion. Data is objective and that fact may make you feel more comfortable. 
2. Talk to your friends about what they are making. Employers don’t want you to know what each other is making so they don’t have to pay everyone the same. Let’s bust that open: talk to your colleagues (especially the male ones) about their salaries, and note the numbers. How are you stacking up? How does that make you feel? 
3. Channel the rage. Despite recent "advances," women who were full-time, year-round employees made 83 cents for every dollar men made in 2020. If nothing else, guys have no problem asking for insane amounts of money because of their inflated sense of self-worth. Think about all of your hard work, your skills and your talents that you bring to the table - ESPECIALLY if you are a working mom. Try getting angry by and channelling that rage for good ;) 

I love talking about how awesome working women are. Check out this recent podcast for more!

I have been thinking a lot today about "The Great Resignation" and what that means especially for women. I feel like every day I see someone else on LinkedIn saying how they are excited to announce their new role. When experiencing "stuck" energy at the workplace, I can see the appeal of walking away. Especially in toxic environments, leaving what no longer serves you can be a  huge step towards improving your mental health. You feel like this step puts you firmly in control of your reality. 

Should You Stay or Should You Go? 

This is a tough one, and no one can make that decision for you. I have heard many colleagues over my 11+ years across multiple startups and industries talking about this difficult choice. Stay where the challenges are familiar, or start someplace new where the challenges are unknown. Wherever you are employed, there will be challenges, something that I think is easy to lose sight of in a moment of frustration. 

But I truly believe that in this job market, there is hope. Companies are more willing to make accommodations for working women and especially mothers. If you are considering making the leap, it is my hope that not only do you do some soul-searching on where it is you truly want to be, but make sure you are asking-really, demanding-what you are worth: 

• At LEAST $10k base salary increase: do your research to know your value, but don't be afraid to give that high number! (PS you can also ask for a raise or promotion at your current role)
• Ask about a signing bonus and annual performance bonus opportunities
• If they can't match your desired salary, ask for more perks like title bump, more / unlimited PTO, dedicated working from home days, etc. 
• Also request a salary discussion after 6 months to a year if the job responsibilities balloon
• Make the case for an intern or to grow your team if you get swamped

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Your Personal Reckoning: How You Want to Be Seen vs. Seeing Yourself

I think what this really boils down to for many of us is self-realization and understanding. Being honest with yourself and transparent with what you want out of a role, out of your job, and how you want to manage that against your family life is important here. For me, the narrative of ambition did change when I became a mother: and with this phase in my life, I know it's temporary and I had to forgive myself for easing up. There's more to life than work, as you'll probably realize (perhaps too late) on your deathbed. Your family can't replace its time with you, but you can be replaced by your company. 

Are you moving on? Grab this interview guide to help you get there. 

Have you ever been jealous of someone who got a little bit of an edge earlier in life? If not, good for you: you are some kind of pure. 

Because I definitely have. 

Starting out right out of college, even before college, I remember looking at classmates and being in envy of their personal situations. I wish MY mom was an executive VP who could coach me on my first interview, or I wish MY dad led the finance department of a start up, and could advise me on how to negotiate my first offer, or could explain equity and 401k to me. 

But my mom sells furniture, and my dad is a handyman. 

Don't get me wrong, I am super proud and I learned so much from both of them. In fact, if you are just starting out and find yourself in a similar situation, here are some thoughts for you: 

1) Examine your relationship with success, and money. 
This first step requires some reflection. Based on where you came from, how do you define "success"? What about your attitude towards money? How do you manage your finances? Will the career you are in support you financially? Understand what motivates you, and how your definition of success can best set you up in your life. Spoiler: you need to make that money, don't be afraid of it and get your credit card / student loan act together ;) 

2) Look at what triggers your jealousy and make a plan. 
I once heard that we are most jealous of the things we see that we want most in this world. Are you jealous of your friends' parents coaching them on their job hunt? Or if your friend received a promotion? Great, this tells you what you want, which is step 1.

Now let's start by creating a plan to get you there. If it's moving up in your career, check this 7-step post outlining how to make your case for a promotion. If it's a new job at a new company / industry all together, start the job hunt with this interview guide. And if it's a lack of monitorship, get creative about your network: ask your friends' parents for advice! Reach out to that old professor of yours! Ask an executive at your company if you can buy them a coffee, to pick their brain on how they achieved their success (and maybe inspire them to be invested in yours.) 

Start today by stop making excuses, and be proactive about the resources that you need. 

3) Reflect and identify your strengths. 
I doubt that you have made it this far by sheer luck. Not having people in your corner by default caused you to get your own people. If you needed to teach yourself a skill in order to advance yourself, that's an amazing thing to call out on your resume or in a job interview. If you don't have experience in a particular field, show how you started a blog and started researching the topic to become versed in it. All of these ways demonstrate resourcefulness and showcase how you are willing to take the initiative; both incredible qualities to look for in an employee, in my opinion. 

The Bottom Line: Flip the Script
It's easy to make excuses. What's not easy, is taking control of your narrative and doing whatever you can in your power to change what you do not like in your life. Consider these experiences opportunities to learn, and turn them into advantages.