The global pandemic forced a lot more grace for working parents, but there's still a ways to go. Personally, it can sometimes be frustrating as a working parent to be lumped into a "mom" category by coworkers who don't have kids, and it can feel like my work ethic  gets dismissed or challenged. Mom is just one of my labels: I can still be an employee, too. 

Working parents are also brilliant multitaskers, one of many skills they have been forced to learn in the last 2 years. I remember in 2020 during a daycare shutdown having to change a dirty diaper while pitching a joint project with a partner. With a phone on speaker on the shelf near my head and my daughter staying blessedly silent, my coworker was shocked when I revealed what I was actually doing in the debrief afterwards. 

So if you don't have kids - maybe by choice, or if you aren't there yet - here are some ways you can help out some of the working parents on your team. 

1 - Empathy
It may be obvious, but let's start here. Think of your worst night's sleep, then multiply it by every night for at least 6 months, with no breaks. Then imagine having to be bright-eyed for a meeting, presentation, or even showing up at the office. Working parents have a lot going on that you don't see, so being understanding of their lives outside of the office can be incredibly supportive. How? I'm so glad you asked: 

2 - Flexibility
Being flexible is one advantage you have that the working parent does not, most especially with their time. If their availability is limited, look at your own calendar and see where you can compromise. We don't mean to cancel meetings at the last minute, but sometimes our kid runs a fever or the babysitter doesn't show up. Do what you can to help parents when something comes up on the home front: offer to send notes from a meeting they missed, or cancel your weekly check in with them and send them an email outlining things instead.

3 - Accommodate
Parental leave in the US is a joke. We barely have time to have the children before we are expected back at work - often a mere 6 weeks later, if that. Maybe it's paid, maybe it's not. Do what you can to advocate for the new parents of tomorrow: what is your maternity leave policy? Can it be better? Can it be longer, or can it be paid? Can paternal leave be extended or enhanced as well? New moms coming back to the office also need a space to pump - and a bathroom stall or a supply closet is unacceptable, I don't care how small a company you are. These simple accommodations will be one less thing new parents have to worry about, and they are worrying about a lot right now in raising tiny humans or getting ready to welcome them. 

​4 - Respect their time
Do not ask me to have a call at 8am while I am dropping off my kids. I also work hard during the day so I can leave to get my kids and start my 2nd shift (which weirdly I look forward to after a full day of work), so don't ask me to stay later for happy hours or dinners. See if your culture can better respect time constraints of working parents: perhaps have a team lunch during working hours, or being strict about only booking  important meetings during reasonable working hours. Now is not the time to demand above and beyond time commitments from the working parent. 

5 - Offer to Help
Be proactive about what you can do to help support working parents. Often working moms especially are constantly trying to defy the laws of time and space and tend to overcommit. If you are their manager, see what you can take off their plate or that can be delegated to another team member. Have honest conversations about their workload and what can be reprioritized. Also make sure they have some balance in the type of work that they have - they have the necessary work, but make sure they have a project or two that they are truly passionate about so they find some fulfillment at work. This can also help alleviate some burn out. 

The Bottom Line
The capabilities of working parents are extraordinary. Can you imagine the leadership skills they are developing during this time in their lives? I for one have improved my creativity and negotiating skills - toddlers and preschoolers are no joke when it comes to getting them out the door in the morning (and I'm doing that solo!) While all of the above is incredibly helpful to working parents, its important for you as their colleague to understand that this period in their lives is not forever. Every day, my kids need me less and less ((chokes back tears)) and one day, will require very little of my time to survive. Working parents need to be allowed the flexibility to have this precious time with their children, and shouldn't have to sacrifice being a valued team member too: and I can guarantee the long-term investment will definitely pay off. 

Full disclosure, I am not a therapist or have qualities to cure issues like burnout, but having experienced it, I thought it could be helpful to write about. I think it's safe to say we have all heard about burnout in some way, especially in the pandemic. Though I definitely felt I was "burning out" at my job prior to COVID as a working mom, I would describe the last two years (2020-2022) as living in the time of burnout. 

What is it? The official definition of burnout is emotional, physical and mental exhaustion caused by a prolonged period of stress. There are also different types of burnout, too:

• Under-challenged: you don't feel like you are working to your full potential at work, so maybe you are a little bored. 
• Overload: you feel overwhelmed with the amount of work you have and the expectations of you. 
• Neglect. you feel like you should stop trying, as things you worked hard on are not coming out the right way, or you are disillusioned as to your autonomy or impact at work. 

What does it Look Like? For me, I had to identify what it was I was feeling. There was a loss of motivation, feeling trapped or defeated, sense of failure and self-doubt, decreased satisfaction and sense of accomplishment. I also experienced increased cynical and a negative outlook. Some more physical symptoms were chronic fatigue and insomnia, fueled by anxiety. 

What to do? Talk about it. Isolating yourself with these struggles only fuels the sense of helplessness. Here are some ways that I dug myself out of burn out, and still apply today when I feel the symptoms creeping back in: 

1. Have a conversation with your employer. Take some time off if you can and re-evaluate if you are in a toxic work environment: it may be time to move on. (Check out my interview guide when you are ready.)
2. Talk to your spouse - if you are a working mom, ask them to take on more on the home front. I tended to feel like I had to do it all, which was not sustainable. Ask your partner to help, put the kids to bed or take them on an errand so you have an hour or two for yourself. 
   
3. Change of scenery. Take a vacation, or plan some fun things on the weekend. Take yourself out of the same rut you feel like you are in. Also change up your routine or work environment: have you  been working from home? Take a day to go to the office.
4. Self care. This is a term that gets throw around so often, but it needs  to be broken down into ways that are actionable. If you feel burned out, get up and move your body. Working from home did save me my commute, which I used for exercise time every day. Drink more water. Eat well (we could all use more fruits and veggies.) Don’t neglect your friends, your hobbies, or things that bring you joy. It bears repeating, that you must fill up your cup before pouring it out for others. 

We have all been through the impossible these last few years: communication and connection are ways to realign. The first step is identifying the problem, then you can start enacting ways to change it. And don't be afraid to seek out help when you need it - from your manager, your partner, or even a therapist. Then we can go back to kicking that ass. 

I wanted to share a story of a friend of mine who I could tell was really struggling at work. By struggling, I mean she was livid. She had so many ideas, would voice concerns, and was met with silence or told that her ideas were not a priority for the company at that time. 

I'm no career coach, but as a friend I remember us grabbing a drink and talking through everything that was going on, her frustration palpable. I recommended she do the following things - and if you find yourself in a similar situation, I recommend you do the same.: 

1. Document your ideas. What do you wish your company was doing today that it is not? What ideas you have, or strategy components you wish they would listen to? Write it down. This helps get clarity around your personal talk track, and crystalize proof points in your mind so you can rattle them off later.  

2. Sketch out what an ideal job looks like. Take a step back from what you are doing today. What parts of your job do you like? What do you dislike? What would you be SO happy doing all day, every day? Combine this section with your ideas listed prior. 

3. Invest time in building your personal brand. Talk about your ideas! Just because you are working at a company, doesn't mean you have to operate in a silos. Use platforms like personal blogs, or LinkedIn to write articles about your ideas. This will force you to further sharpen your ideas, not to mention market yourself and your expertise to the world as well as give reading material to potential employers that may want to hire you one day. 

4. Have "the talk". Personally, I'm of the belief that you should be straight with your employer, which may be your boss / manager. Talk to them about  your pain points, where you are frustrated or blocked, and share what you want to be doing. More often then not, they may have no idea and be happy for you to pursue your areas of interest or be willing to listen to your ideas. And if they are not, you now have that knowledge - and a fairly clear conscience - as you proceed to step 5. 

5. Make the decision.  You've put it all out there, communicated that you are unhappy and may or may not like the answers that you get. Will more money make you stay? Did you ask for it, or did they offer it? If no, is it time to start looking around at roles at other companies that match your ideal job sketch you drafted in step #2?

As for my friend? She is happily settled in at her new job, now 2 months later from when we first sat down at the bar.  If this story resonates with you, I encourage you to take the above exercise and apply it to yourself. And if you do make the decision to jump, use this interviewing guide to keep your organized.

Life's too short to walk around so frustrated, and there are plenty of opportunities for hardworking people like yourself. Good luck!